If it's one thing I hate, it's you telling me the things I don't wanna hear.

SO WHAT if other people have long skinny legs that are "hairless" and clean?!

SO WHAT if they are tall?!

SO WHAT if they are SOOOOOO MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN I AM?!

SO WHAT if they look more matured than I am?!

What's it to you?!
I don't care about how others' look.
I'm not bothered if they have a great sense of style, or if their closets are full of fashionable dresses/clothes that show their private parts so damn clearly.

Why should I care if I'm different than other people?!

You always like to choose these words to say to me out of the blue: 'I LOVE YOU'

Yet, you to tell me how I'm fat, how I'm short, how my taste in clothes varies with other people's, like "Aiyoh, so aunty-like'.

You also LOOOOOVVEEEEE to compare me with my other peers/people younger than me;

- who are more sociable with boys
- who love wearing make-up to school
- who already have boyfriends
- who seem to be SOOO INTO THE LOVE CATERGORY
- who are already pregnant and I don't even have a boyfriend.

You already know I'm not like that, and you know that I hate being compared to those people, simply because I'm an introvert, and I don't talk much, and I don't like show off my physical "things" to other people because I believe in modesty.

But no. You are telling me that it's alright to do this things?
You simply wonder why I'm different than those people?
Yet when my sibling get close to liking someone, you dissaprove?

What does all these mean to you?
Just because I don't have all those qualities that you want me to have, you're gonna love me less?
IS it because I am different from you; and you are ashamed of me?!
Ashamed of the decisions that I make?
Ashamed of the things that I like and the things I don't like?
Ashamed because you are sexy, an extrovert, hot, have a great 'healthy body', full of confidence and I'm not?

If that's the case then why must you tell me that you love me a hundred times over and not live it out?
What's the point then?

And yes, I AM SENSITIVE. Because all I'm trying to do is to make you happy. I'm trying to NOT LET YOU DOWN.

I have this weird belief and feelings that I don't wanna make you cry like the so-called "modern day teenagers" who shout at people close to them [like me to you] like I see in the movies.

But now I guess I'm wrong.
Going into this direction seem to get me ALL the opposite effects that I wanted. I suppose it was a BAD IDEA to let you off the crying hook and to sacrifice my tears instead. And I'm stupid enough to continue acting like this because I love you too much.

And I remember, that once, when you needed me, I had to reluctantly go. Even though, before that time, when I wanted 5 minutes of your [precious] time, you would not grant it to me. It was so difficult to get your attention.... even on the dining table. You would look at my cousin sister and talk to her, although I was in the middle of a conversation with you. I hated that, but didn't get a chance to tell you coz you were too into your little conversation.

Even when I did tell you about this, you quickly forgot about it in an hours' time.
But I'm not finished.

Remember the time you finally got your cursed issue out of your hands? Remember you said "family is the most important thing in the world?"

Well, where will you be during my SPM examinations?
What about my birthday?
How about when I get my results?

Don't tell me that Skype will do the trick! It's better having you here than anywhere else.
What, you think I'll bring my computer with you in it? NO WAY.

I don't have much say in this, and if you ask my opinion, I'll say "Up to you."
I won't ask you to stay by me, because I know you want this SO VERY BADLY.
I won't raise issues. I don't want to be selfish and restrict you from being who you are.

Though I know that being FAR FAR AWAY might make you forget the things that are important.
Might make you want to play with fire and not only get yourself burnt, but break SO MANY PEOPLE'S HEARTS.

Yet I won't say a thing. Because you're young, sexy, and have all the freedom you want.
A lot of people like you. You can take care of yourself, you don't need me to help you out.

You are a successful person within yourself... and you want to help me be the same way.
But you are just going in the wrong places.
You like to show off the things/events that put you in favour with other people, and I hate the limelight.

I won't blame you directly, so I'll blame you indirectly. Mainly because of failed communication.
I gave up trying to get you to notice me. When I do get your attention, then I'll be dissapointed, as you'll be so blunt and focus on stuff that I didn't even mentioned.

Is that true love, then?
Never-ending with all of your critizing of how I should live my life?
Like I should get this shirt with lets people see my bra because it's an 'in' shirt, featured by Vogue?
Or how about this jeans, which would let people see the line of my butt when I squat?
Yeah, yeah. It's "F.A.S.H.I.O.N", [degrading] fashion. You might as well go out in your bathing suit if you're so keen on letting others see you naked [this is for Hollywood, BTW]
Oh PUH-LEEZ.

If that's your version of true love, then I'm not surprised. In fact, I find it reeeeeeeal funny that I've known you my whole 16 years of life and could not even detect this wonderful quality of yours.

One last thing.
I'm not into boys, or fashion or trend, and I'm not afraid to admit it here.
I know that if I were to enter an International School, I'd be labelled as 'geek' [if you want a more cruel version; 'loser']

But that's fine with me. I guess it won't be fine with you.
I don't want to follow those girls with a beautiful face, yet they backstab the people that they hate.
I don't want to be like other people who are two-faced.
I don't want to follow the crowd that tells me what I should do or what I shouldn't do, and restrict me from being who I am.

Just because I wanna change my lifestyle, you think I'm in love with some boy. *eyerolls*
What? Can't I want to change my lifestyle because I finally realized that I'm not using that much carbohydrates compared to my intake, and not because I've been struck by Cupid's stray arrow?!

This just proves to me how well you really know me. And how much infomation I should tell you [which, basically, equals to zero]
If you ask, I'll say, "It's too late to apologize."

No. I'm definitely NOT surprised.

***********
Sorry, chele.
I just needed to vent out these feelings.
I'll help you with your case... after the exams.