Before I continued what happened after I woke up, I want to say this first:
The first time I was prayed over and fell, (last year) there was this one word that came to me:
LOVE.
Of course that time I didn't know what exactly it meant.
But I knew that it was important.
Now, moving on XD
So, I woke up, showered, ate, praised and worshiped, and then we had a Q&A session.
That session was conducted by the speaker who spoke about the Holy Spirit and his gifts.
But more importantly, on any questions on the Gift of Tongues.
I guess it was to make sure that people don't freak out on the Gift of Tongues, you know.
Like how I was super freaked out the day before.
But you know what?
Since I got Luke 18:1, I decided that I needed the Gift of Tongues
(cause I heard it helps you to pray better XD)
So I had decided that the next time the Holy Spirit is invoked, I'd ask for this Gift.
I honestly thought it would be like... a few more months before the next healing session;
but MANA TAU, it was right after breakfast after MORNING MASS.
Wow.
Talk about speed.
So what happened during the healing session?
We all praised God again,
and the speaker recommended that if we wanted the Gift of Tongues,
we should just repeat "Alleluia" and not control our mouths too much.
After we praised God, he started speaking in tongues;
so I thought, "Time to say Alleluia."
I did, I went from "Alleluia. Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, luia, lu, lu, lu..." o.o
I was thinking, "Alleluia", but my mouth said, "lululululalaulu..."
So okay...
Then I said, "Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ!" in my mind, and it still came out
"lululululalalauluul...."
So I was convinced that I HAD the Gift of Tongues now *Praise be to God!!* :D
Okay, so then I was prayed over, and fell. XD
Again, it wasn't like a very forceful force, just a slight prompting only.
I just released, and I fell XD
Seriously, I lied down on the ground for quite some time, and listened to my surroundings.
Again, the speaker was saying things like,
"There's 3 people here..."
"There's 6 people here..."
I honestly waited for the speaker to say,
"There's 1 person here who is called for vocation. God wants you to know that..."
To tell you the truth;
IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
I waited, resting in the Spirit, listening to the drama (yes, it happened again).
And I wondered why the drama was still happening...
It happened again yesterday, didn't it?
So weird o.o
So I was peacefully on the ground for a good amount of time,
until the lady in front of me was prayed over, and she fell
(cause her head accidentally touched my shoes, so I jerked up and sat, cross-legged instead)
We continued being praising God and worshipping him while sitting.
Then the speaker asked if anyone wanted to affirm whether they had the Gift of Tongues.
Honestly speaking, I knew it was the Gift of Tongues, I didn't need affirmation.
No one stood up, until the lady in front of me stood up, then only did I stand.
So I was prayed over again and told to "let go" and let the Holy Spirit take charge. XD
It wasn't long until I was "lulululu-ing" all the way again.
I heard the person *it was a guy, I think, I don't remember =.=* say,
"Thank you God for giving your Daughter the Gift of Tongues..."
and I felt that force push me again until I fell XD
This time, I lay down and mediated on the verbs I studied on the quote I received yesterday.
"Ask, love of Christ, acknowledge..."
Then I saw myself *this not a vision. I think it's my mind/Holy Spirit helping me to connect better*
at the foot of the cross (cause we were praising God with "Worthy is the Lamb")
and the Lord Jesus was up there, and I felt a thought:
"See how much the love of Christ; willing to bear many scars to die on the Cross."
-This wasn't exactly the right words; but then again, the thought was a message sort of feeling,
and it wasn't entirely in words.
I was SOOO EXCITED that God finally talked to me, that I stood up and immediately sang to him.
And while we were singing praises,
the speaker called for the facilitators to go around for a quick praying over (one two minutes)...
when my turn came *no surprises here* I fell again.
Then while in peace, I called this thought to God, and we then had a mini-conversation
(or so I believe)
Me: Oh, sorry God. You didn't finish talking did you?
God: No.
Me: Sorry :(
All around me were people crying (drama, again). I was caught surprised.
Me: There's still so much hurt left not healed? How come they can't feel this peace I'm feeling?
God: Not everyone feels this peace you feel, Breena. They haven't gone through the same experience you feel. There's so much hurt deep inside of them.
Me: Lord Jesus (cause I kinda see Him on the Cross), why don't you let them know that you are taking their pain on the Cross/heal them?
Lord Jesus: How can I? I'm tied up on the Cross... and it's not restricted to this room; there are so many more out there, who aren't here; much less able to feel this peace you feel...
Me: I'll go, Lord. I'll be your hands and feet... but I don't have the experience of extreme sadness, or hurt like the people around me for you to heal me so that I can bear witness to your healing...
Lord Jesus: I'll be with you...
With that, our convo ended.
I was super happy cause I finally discovered what my vocation was, and it's...
NOT CALLING ME TO BE A NUN!!!
WOO HOO!!! :D :D
Uh, okay :x
So, now I know what God wants me to do...
Where does this go? I don't know.
To be honest,
I'm thinking about just relaxing and letting God to take over my life when the time comes.
But I know that I can't do that.
I'm to "always pray and never be discouraged." Luke 18:1 (Good News version)
So, I've decided. My next step will come in Madrid.
I'm actually planning to get closer to God,
cause I wanna feel His presence and get to know him more on a personal level 8D
Oh Lord, I'm in your hands :D
-EDITED-
Actually, when I sit back and think about it more deeply,
God was at the retreat the whole time.
Patiently waiting for the time to speak to me.
I know I like to read situations (especially if it happens around me)
and think of it as God speaking to me.
In my head, it really makes up of the times when God doesn't use His voice.
Actually, there's a dream of a snake that I had not too long ago (last week?)
But I'll save that for later XD
Okay. SUMMARY XD
You see, I thought that I'd be such a loner at this camp...
Well, guess what?
With so many people talking to me, plus with Brenda and Bibiana to keep me company...
I had no time to even think of the word "loner" after the program started.
Then, came the Gift of Tongues anxiety attack (I think that is the name of the fear)
Until I surrendered and let the Holy Spirit do His work...
Then I decided I needed the Gift of Tongues.
After that, there was a surprise Healing Session II.
I tell you, this Healing Session II would not have taken place
*IF* it didn't rain on Saturday evening to prevent us from going to church.
If the Healing Session II didn't take place, I wouldn't have gotten my answers
from the quote and I wouldn't get the Gift of Tongues.
Also, before this, I was going to Madrid without a solid reason.
There wasn't a real purpose of me going to Madrid...
I wasn't going there to look for God in WYD.
But after the retreat, and my vocation calling (which I so strongly believe)
I know what my reason to go Madrid is, and I can't wait! :D
Before the retreat begun, I wanted to eat Thosai with my family...
and I ended up eating 2 thosais by myself *omgosh! so bloated!!*
And then when lunch time came, we played the Handicap Lunch.
And I have never been so grateful to God for being so bloated,
cause with the little I ate; I was still super full!
To end with this summary,
I really felt as though God was there, and I had so much fun with God there XD
Also... one of the facilitators had mentioned that God had checked out the retreat area
before allowing us to use it.
And I thought that He wasn't just checking out that place,
He was also there during the retreat, making sure that everything went according to
His plan.
Isn't He an awesome God?
Okay, I'll stop for now :x
Praise be to you, Lord Jesus Christ!
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