Late post. This is.
Weird. Weird. Weird. ==

ARGH!!!!!!!!!! BLEH.

It feels like I've been swallowed in and vomited back out.

That's what you get when you don't think calmly and coolly and just respond to the stimulation around you. Then you realized, 'I should have never opened my mouth.'

But honestly, being a Catholic is very difficult.
[well, nobody said it was easy == ]
And there are times when I wished I had a sort of higher intellect to guide my thoughts, words and actions so that it could make my [Catholic] life easier.

But of course, I am human, and I don't have that higher intellect to guide me.
BUT HOW I WISH :(

And there are times when one word of 'sorry' is not enough. The mind won't leave me at peace.
It nags and nags about the things I could have done, or should have done [or what I shouldn't have done :( ].

The worse is the guilt that it leaves mercilessly behind. I hate it. And I don't know who put those thoughts in, or what to do with it.

To me, there are 3 kinds of thoughts that I've heard with my mind's ears.

1. My conscience/guardian angel
2. My imagination
3. The Devil's

And to think of it, there's a weird order of things that one could hear the thoughts that is discerned as 'evil' as one of your own.
They pop-up suddenly without warning, and keep coming continuously.

There are many a time that I've tried to forget it, but it still comes, in my moment of weakness as if to tell me, 'You've fallen! You've fallen! You are very humanly after all!! God will forgive you, but those people would NOT!!'

And that's the time I want to cry push everything down the small neck of the bottle and seal it up with a cork.

I can't see God. I can't hear Him every so often. But I can see those people and hear them.
And that's why it's too much. That's why I can't take it in. And I see the unjust happening, the reports of certain brainless individuals who want to disrupt peace and fairness... that are too much.

And then there are those in power, who don't practice nilai 1.10. What, I ask, are they doing? Why are there no reports of action taken? If it were the other way around, if it were us doing it, and not them.... the authorities would've come down hard on us already, long ago, right after the article came out.

And what, I ask, is being done for their crime? If we say, 'Let God give them their punishment', should they be saying that too? If that's the case, we don't need prisons, police officers, not even the authorities! But the world is an unjust place, and there would still be unjust as long as there is just. We'll just have to suck it up and put on a brave face and say, 'God knows what He is doing. May He forgive you.'

And it boils back down to me.

Yes, I want to leave this place because I cannot stand it. I cannot UNDERstand what is happening as they have already OVERstand their ground and is looking to oppress others. I want to migrate to Australia/Japan where things such as these does not happen.

I am not blind, and I do not like what I see. I have never liked the look of it.
That's why I've decided, that I will have to stay and fight. I don't know if I can win, but I'll have to fight.

I just hope, what I fight, won't be like that fight that happened when the line between good and bad was blurred, which caused the Devil to win.


Maybe then, those taunting thoughts that come will be put at rest.

What a serious and vague issue. ^^u

How about a penny for your thoughts? :D